Wow! What a whirlwind! It feels like it was just yesterday that I sat down to write the post about my new baby girl. Now, as I write this, my 11 month old toddler is napping downstairs in her crib. It’s almost impossible to believe how quickly time has passed.

My tiny baby girl is now learning to walk, eats 3 solid meals a day and has started weaning from her Momma. I’ll soon be returning to my full time job and sending Avery to daycare 5 days each week. Some days, I simply can’t wrap my head around it all.

Motherhood has been nothing like I imagined while somehow, simultaneously being so much more wonderful than I’d dreamed. The sleepless nights were harder than I’d expected. The toll it took on my sanity has been a hard blow to deal with but my heart has never felt so full. Each new milestone and every accomplishment she has, no matter how tiny, feels monumental to me. Each smile warms my tired soul, and her reliance upon me for her every need is both beautiful and challenging. I never knew that a love of this magnitude existed. It’s all-consuming and I’ve learned so much about myself.

I’ve learned that I’m much more patient than I thought I was but I’ve also learned my limits. I’ve discovered that watching my husband be a Daddy makes me love him even more. While focusing on all of the beautiful challenges that parenthood consists of though, I’ve lost sight of who I am as an individual – who I am when I’m without my daughter and without the day-to-day responsibilities that I’ve so quickly become accustomed to. Before Avery, I was a super-fit, vegetarian running addict who loved to drink wine and spend time with friends. Becoming a Mom has distracted me from those pieces of myself and sometimes I wonder where that version of me drifted off to. I now eat meat regularly even though I don’t like to. I barely ever run and my gym membership has expired. In the place where all of those traits once stood though is a Momma bear who spends almost every moment of the day offering compassion, unconditional love, education, nutrition, and fun to the tiny little love of my life. I think it’s safe to say that having a family has changed me.

Now that my maternity leave is coming to an end and life is on the verge of returning to some version of ‘normal’, I’ve decided that it’s time to start putting myself back together, one piece at a time so I can continue to be a strong, positive influence as Avery enters her most impressionable years. I’m starting with exercise. Fitness has always been an essential part of my mental health care, and running has been the only outlet that helps me deal with life’s stress and anxiety in a healthy and rewarding way. If I want to be a role model for my baby girl, I need to look after my mind by looking after my body.

I’m starting by registering for a 10k and focusing on training. I don’t know where I’ll find the time but I can figure that out day by day as life continues to happen. I’m no longer in good physical shape and the journey back to lacing up for a 10k is going to be a tough one but I know I’ll be a much better, more present mother if I stay dedicated to the process and reach this goal for myself.

Being Avery’s mother has been the hardest job I’ve ever loved and the more she grows, the more insight I have into how strong, resilient, and loving I’ve been as her Momma. I think I’ve finally realized that motherhood isn’t about waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s about learning to enjoy the darkness, the twists, the turns, and the little patches of light that seep in through the cracks in the tunnel. Motherhood is difficult. But finding beauty in its challenges is the most important part.

Andrea